Dear depression
I remember the first day I met you, I was five years old.
when my mother would not come home.
you were my friend since then.
You showed up again when I saw my parents fighting
you were agreeing with those people who said my clothes were ugly, the ones my mom could hardly afford.
you told me that the only thing i'll ever be good at is washing these walls and doing the laundry
You were there through the years of  me being held down and being shoved aside.
when I was twelve you told me I should just end this life of mine because no one will ever give me happiness.
that being sad is all i'll ever be.
You were there when I took my first shot of burning liquor and you held it up till I had every last drop.
you told me every night that the world is unfair, that nothings ever going to be okay.
because i'm ugly, unlovable and stupid, with nothing to give and that i'm not normal.
My mind was taken over by you when I was thirteen.
the day when that drunk man touched me
you were there when I punched myself over and over for not screaming or stopping it.
the day my mother was drunk getting mad at me
and when the workers came and took us away the next day.
you created a monster of me.
you put the blame all on me
when I was fourteen, you made me slit my wrists, when I almost died and got put on suicidal watch.
You told me that he will never love me like he loved her.
You were there when I first got called a whore
. and when every man went inside me each time.
You said I was used and gross after that.
You were there choking me when I couldn't breath
 when I was thinking about my past.
You made me feel like I was nothing inside
You agreed with the people who said I was just going through a phase.
when the bruise on my face was labeled as blacked out times
Each night you would put the worst things I've done in my head, making me scream, and cry
you pulled me in deep, pushing my hand harder on the blade each time.
by 15  you made me believe every bad thing you said.
each time I got called a whore
a basty child who cries and hits the floor
the kid who slashes her wrists, day by day more and more
a low life with nothing to show for
You were there through every milestone I can remember
No one ever told you to leave me alone
You disguised yourself as me with a smile.
You made me re long sleeves and made me say all the right things in front of people who care.
you made me sad everyday even when things got fun
you took it away
you made everything happy go away
You took him and made me say
" I cheated on and i'm not sorry"
the only way I could forget about you was to take my bottle and chug it.
I was unable to go through with life with you by my side,
you said I can only get rid of you if I died.
so I said good bye, grabbed a rope and tied it tight.
as I hung I knew that this was it, no more hurt
no more screaming or panic attacks
I'm leaving behind YOU depression it's over now.
but then I hit the floor and someone whispered in my ear.
" you have something to live for, I want you to fight for what u want from life.
depression is your enemy, if you die tonight i'm afraid you're proving him right.
it is you who controls it and you have made him up with your own imagination. "
I stood up, knees trembling my tears falling.
and I said
"you won't control my life no more"
It Is I who has to control me, with out the word depression in my life. you aren't real and i'm done believing the lies you have told me my whole life. you are done making all things sad for me, it's over
I am something