My ill mind

I'm sitting here in class while i write this, i am suppose to be listening to my teacher and I'm trying so hard too but she's rambling on about something i don't know nothing about. I can never understand what i'm doing in school nothing ever catches my interest. So I never do my work, but i take in all the notes and i listen. When it comes to tests or assignments i'm lost and in need of serious help. All my assignments are late, I have about eighteen in total that are not finsihed, my attendance is fairly good though. I show up and listen but i feel like i need help but i don't want to ask for it or I'll feel so dumb. I just want a teacher to offer it, and to just see the struggle in my eyes. I'm beginning to feel that laziness and that lack of hard work in my body. I seriously don't know what happened to me I use to be so good in school, I use to be able to get everything right, i could write a million notes if someone wanted me to. Now I act like i can't even pick up the pencil. Something has happened to me since grade eight, but all I know is my self-esteem has dropped since then and my stress level has risen in these past two years. Maybe those two factors are a source of why I'm feeling like this, I'm not going to ask anybody about it though. Lots of things have happened to me during grade 9 and 10, I've experienced life a little more. I guess i'm just not liking it so i'm giving up slowly ,I can't give up though. But every time i tell myself that I'm just lying to myself I'm not motivated at all, I think so hard about it too. I try to convince myself in order to be a journalist I have to get through high school. Highschool is hard but i don't think it really is, all i'm stressed about is the work we have to do. I'm seriously in a hole that I dug myself, I don't care that i'm in it but deep down I want out so bad.

This shit is confusing as fuck, i can barely understand myself, so I highly doubt anyone else will.