i have hope still

I haven't written in my blog for more than twp weeks, and the last time i wrote something it wasn't the smartest post(s). That's a lesson to oneself - don't write in your blog while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, if you're sad and depressed and not if you're mad at someone or with life. I made that mistake and it ended badly, i was mad at the world i guess i felt like no one was on my side. I just didn't take a good look at the side i was on. I never realized that the side i'm fighting against is the side i should be on, it makes more sense in my head then when i say it out loud. *opps better not say that or another person will think i'm crazy*
Yes two weekends ago i wanted to kill myself and i know in my previous blog i said something about "the blood on my wrists" I didn't cut my wrists, nor did i think anyone would have read it i just thought maybe i should write this just in case i do it or something and just leave this written here if i do end up killing myself. Deep down i know i can't do that to myself, I've worked so fucking hard for this life. I've been through too fucking much to give up now, seeing me fall is just what the devil wants and when i drink that his poison i'm drinking filling my head with all the bad so i can fall down to his level and forget about all the hope i have stored in my heart. He tries to scream as loud as he can in my head all day about all the bad things that are going on in my life but no matter how loud that son of a bitch is i can still hear God clearly whispering in my ear, he says "keep going my girl, i have you, i'll guide and i will help just keep going, it will get better...Good awaits you my child" There is good that awaits me i feel it god knows i'm so lonely too so he treats me with dreams of my family and friends back home at night time after i pray for them.